Last night I looked at Troy and said, “Do you remember in ‘Instant Family’ when they’re in at the support group meeting…they shared about how they must have just gotten lucky because they didn’t have any war stories like the other families and everyone got a good laugh out of it?? Well…I think that’s us right now.” I laughed as I thought about it again.

I’m thankful that scene brought me some laughter. I needed the relief.

“I’m not seeing what everyone described” I would say…then it’s witnessed and my eyes get big as I’m hit with the fear of how incredibly inadequate I am for it all.

Before we put ourselves back on the “active” list in foster care, we had many people ask us if we were going to do it all again. Our response was quick and it was a “yes”. I’m sure many of you thought we were crazy. Crazy that we would willingly put ourselves into chaotic and in-over-our-heads situations for children that aren’t “ours” and families we have no connection to. I’m sure you thought we were crazy that we would willingly open ourselves back up to the heartbreak that is bound to happen when they leave. But I tell you what…I’m okay with being crazy because I have never felt God’s presence closer than I do when we’re in the thick of it. God can handle my heartbreak. These kids deserve to have someone hold their hand in the midst of their’s.

God’s heart is for His people so that has turned my heart toward them as well. & I know He has us right where we’re supposed to be:

Safe & protected by Him
And also acutely aware of our own limitations

As we get to love our sweet girl, K…we are also called to bring peace into the chaos. And one just can’t do that without Jesus. As I sat in what felt like a whirlwind last night…I just kept praying – “Lord, I can’t fix this but You can. Jesus, help us.” And I’m believing with every ounce of my being that He can and that He will.

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The effects of trauma are so real and so overwhelming…and that’s speaking as an adult whose done a ton of therapy. Now imagine a child trying to process it all. What a lonely place that must be. So I believe more than anything else, these kids need and want someone to sit in the muck with them. And as hard as it is, as heartbreaking as it is, as tiring as it can be…we can be the ones to do that; we get to pray, to love, and to just be with them in it.

This isn’t a post that reflects on the experiences in hindsight & presents them all tied up with a nice little bow. It’s a post written from the trenches of doing hard things for the sake of love. It’s about love that these children AND their families need to see in action. Love that we’re called to make visible in the world.

This is a post to remind myself (and anyone who needs it) that fighting battles that matter require a posture of humility not hostility, letting stillness lead the way so God can do His thing before you. It’s encouragement to everyone living out challenging situations right now – being fully aware of your limitations is the best place for you to be. The moment you stop trying to do it on your own becomes the very moment you open yourself up to the unlimited resources of our Mighty God. You’ll experience Power that strengthens you to rise up for another day. He’s done it for me over and over…why wouldn’t I be confident that He’d do it again? And if He’ll do it for me, He’ll do it for you.

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Breathe, friend.

Breathe & pray.

He will make you strong for another day.

I’m counting on it.